The Balance of Self worth

Balancing adulting,

and knowing your worth

The balance of Self worth

What is the most frustrating thing about leaving teaching? All that holiday time lost? No, It’s that you never really leave teaching, never; let’s get that straight.

It might be the back of that packet of biscuits you’re about to buy, or that video clip you’ve just seen or a conversation you’ve over heard that inherently stops you in your tracks and makes you think, umm now that would make a great starter activity. Those who have taught continue to curate and file away resources in their brain banks waiting for the right time, the right environment, the right objective; we ( ex teachers) are consultants of our own imaginary organisations, crafting a curriculum that is engaging and challenging for our ‘delegates’ and feeling pretty excited about delivering them too.

So, what went wrong for me? Well, It was simply a matter of balance. I couldn’t balance teaching and parenting. This ultimately was the crux of it all and in the end, I left a profession I had loved for the last 12 years a teeny weeny bit broken - though I haven’t looked back since. The irony of teaching children after becoming a parent is that you feel you sacrifice time with your own children - but those who can, teach and I am in awe of them. Qualified teachers leaving the profession currently outnumber those entering it. I wonder how many of them were parents, returning to work and unable to deliver.

Fortunately, I was also in a financial position where I didn’t need to find another job immediately. Bringing up my children, doing the school drop off/pick up, looking after our home, and organising our lives gave me the head space I needed and after 2 years I’ve slowly started regained my lost confidence. But, at 39 changing professions has been challenging to say the least and can I get a break??? No. Have I lay in bed Googling ‘profession for ex teachers? or ‘re-training after teaching?’ or ‘leaving teaching?, what now?’ or ‘starting your own biofuel, eco caravan park?’ Yes, yes, yes and most definitely yes!!!

It seems that with all my very transferable skills and experiences I’m actually not that employable in anything other than umm teaching. Employment agencies are not interested (that’s a whole other blog post’s worth of ranting for another time.) So I’ve had to rethink. And then rethink what I rethought about what I want to be. Its been very hard and also, demoralising if I’m totally honest. I would say that even with both my children now in school, juggling the logistics of drop off/pick up is a big factor in what I can do so I’m making freelance web design my goal. It’s a career I have had experience in in the past. Now, I use the term freelance loosely. Finding clients is a profession within itself and selling myself to potential clients makes me want to vom in my own mouth. It’s a slow burner, a long game however, I know I can do it. My mantra is ‘I have talent, I am open and I am worth it, all of it, God dam it!’ I know my worth.

So I continue to balance my home life and my newfound professional life, sometimes getting it horribly wrong (sobbing uncontrollably whist scrolling through part time jobs on Indeed.com on my phone and under my bed covers) sometimes fist pumping the air in sheer joy - (cue Rocky theme)

In conclusion - My self assessed ‘Three stars and a wish?’
1. I am creative, both visually and pragmatically
2. I’ve learned to stay positive (yes it most defiantly IS a skill)
3. I am kinder (to myself)

The above are not weaknesses - know your self worth. Adulting is hard.